More body image obsession stories

Got to the gym at 6.05am today.Had quite a good night’s sleep, so I felt recharged for today’s workout. Here’s what I did:

Cardio:

30 min walk on treadmill

30 min on stairclimber

20 min on elliptical machine

Weights: back

Low row

MTS Row

Lat pulldown

Upright row

Fitball crunches with medicine ball

I had a really good workout on the stairclimber, so much so that when I increased intensity, the whole machine started whirring and vibrating, sounding like it was very exhausted! Oh well, somebody needs to test the equipment to the maximum right? Brought my heart rate up to about 165, which is beyond the 80% heart training zone of a 20 year old… Someone had spilled water on the floor at the free weights section, and when my friend saw the puddle he asked me,”That’s not your sweat right?” Very funny…

Anyway yesterday’s NST Life & Times featured an article on Body Image Obsession, something which I can very much relate to. Evon Lim, a fitness instructor was interviewed and here’s what she said:

“You can’t deny that some really fit and energetic people in the gym or the park are disciplined as they feel like they have to measure up to something good. But when they go home and nobody’s around, they binge because they lose the control they feel when being watched by everyone else and seek comfort in food.

Some of them don’t eat much during the day because the feel elated form the exercise or the attention of others and it’s a nasty cycle when they binge and workout hard to get rid of the calories and guilt the next day. This is not only binge eating but excessive exercising to make up for it and it affects both sexes”

Well, that is SO true for me. Even though I’ve been a fitness instructor in the past, and I know all the do’s and don’ts, and that fitness is really more important than body shape, I myself have become a slave to this body image obsession. And it’s true what she said, the more you exercise or considered an athlete, the greater your obsession becomes. This is because of the idea that people think, how come you work out so much but you’re not thin? I get that question a lot from others. I try and explain that different bodies have different shapes and muscle composition, some are just more muscular, some are more predisposed to fat and so on. But some people just don’t understand that. I have this particular friend who asks me really rude questions like, “How come you’re still so fat” or if I am wearing something which makes me look a bit rounded she bluntly asks me “you haven’t been running is it?”

Although I know that I am fit and healthy, I can’t help but get sucked in to what she says. I still believe I am fat. This may sound insensitive to some of you, but really, it’s not funny and it’s hard to just erase 17 years of insecurities about your body shape. All these also stemmed from the fact that I used to be told I am fat even when I was just merely chubby and not excessively fat.

Believe it or not, I am also a victim of binge eating disorder, As what Evon says, most times I am seen not eating a lot, but there are times I go really extreme and binge, like I would be able to finish a whole can of Pringles at one go, or a whole bar of chocolate. Then after that I go to the extreme of cutting back a lot.

I can though, say that even though I have these insecurities, I am SLOWLY beginning to let it go..this has something to do with allowing God into your life and transforming you. I wish I could just shake off my insecurities just like that but hey, like I said, you can’t just erase these thoughts overnight. Although, I do wish I could overcome it quicker so I don’t’ have to punish muyself physically and mentally. But I guess it will have to be in His perfect timing.