Goodbye my little Razor. The day finally came.....the day I dreaded most and it was today...my little Razor left me. He was 14 years and 4 months, that's about 100 dog years. He lived a long and good life, and although he died of old age, it didn'tt make the pain any less. Back in early 2004, he was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I was very devastated as the only options were either to operate him or just leave him be. There was a high chance of losing him during the operation as he was already quite senior. I truly wasn't ready to lose him then, and I guess after that incident, I was a little bit more prepared for today. Anyhow, we decided to have him operated, and I actually
did pray to God to let him live a little bit longer as I wasn't ready then. God answers prayers.
I am thankful that Razor managed to live a little over 2 years more after his operation. I was hoping that he would live until his 15th birthday but I guess I couldn't ask for more - it was 2 full and good years. About 2 months ago, Razor started having really bad coughs. We took him to the vet's, and the vet said that his heart was getting weaker (as a result of old age), hence there was a lot of excess fluids in his body which could not be flushed out( due to the inefficiency of the heart). Therefore the vet put Razor on some heart medication, which he had to take for as long as he lived. WE noticed the coughs got better, but last night it acted up again despite him still being on medication. He sleeps in the attached bathroom to my parents' bedroom, and my mom said he was coughing and yelping whole of last night and did not sleep at all. I didn't know any of this until today.
As usual, I went to church this morning , and of all days I was on worship duty which meant that I would be in church at least from 7.30am - 1pm. My mom was trying to contact me all morning but naturally I had my phone on silent mode. Finally, after the second service, my mom managed to get hold of me. SHe called and told me that Razor was very sick, that he did not eat his breakfast which was very unusual. I was supposed to have lunch with some friends but I cancelled my plans to rush home to see him.
When I got home, I saw him lying in the corner of the dining room. I called him and i could hear his breath was short and shallow. I noticed there was some faeces near him, then I realised he probably could not walk. I called him a few more times but he still did not get up so I decided to carry him as I didn't want to leave him alone in the corner. WHen I carried him I could feel that his legs were very weak. I took him to the dry kitchen, and tried to let him rest there, but he wanted to stand up. He was very determined to stand and walk...I never knew dogs had such determination and strong will. Then I saw him slowly staggering to the front door, step by step. I realised something..he had wanted so much to go to the front door, where his favourite spot was. He usually liked to lie down in my hall at the front door and watch the world. SO he stood there for a while, and because his legs were weak, he started swaying. I tried to help him to sit down and suddenly he gave a loud yelp and collapsed in my hands..his body went limp and I screamed out loud. I was alone at home at that point. I quickly scooped him and cradled him in my arms. By this time his breath was few and shallow. I could still feel his heart beating and he was having a bit of spasm. I felt his heartbeat sowly fading, and his breath slowly ceasing. Then he died in my arms.
He left me at 1.45pm today. I am so thankful my friends whom I was supposed to have lunch with came over to visit me. We then tried to look for the neighbourhood gardener to help us with the burial in the backyard. My friend took my mom around the neighbourhood but he was nowhere to be found. SO we had no choice but to dig the hole ourselves. It was a hot day, and the soil was hard. I used a hoe to dig the hole, and got some blisters on my hand along the way. Later my brother's domestic help came to assist me.
I took one last look at my little Razor and cried before we buried him. I know some people will think that I am nuts, after all he is only a dog, but he is more than just a dog to me. It was a long and agonising day for me.
I felt really lousy for most of the day, then when I played with Caramel later, I felt a lot better. DOgs are such wonderful creatures. Though Caramel can never replace Razor, for each dog is special on its own; but he made me feel a little better.
Razor,though you're not physically with me anymore, you're still very much in my heart. You're still very much my puppy.
